It’s interesting to me that we so rarely give ourselves the permission to be human. Too often we feel we’re not enough, or that we’re too much. We never do enough, get enough done or balance our lives as well as we think we should.
I was having a conversation today about guilt and what we do with that as mothers. My friend said, “I take comfort in knowing that I am not enough. I will never be enough.” Her acknowledgement leads her to God who supplies forgiveness and peace for all her shortcomings. When she isn’t enough for her children she can point the way to a God who is all sufficient to meet their needs where she falls short. And she is meant to fall short. We all do. They are meant to seek fulfillment outside of her.
It brought tears to my eyes.
“…I take comfort in knowing that I am not enough…”
We strive to be superhuman and trip on our own capes
Love of God and of ourselves gives us freedom. Freedom to be human, to be fallible. Permission to make mistakes, walk in forgiveness, and move forward.
I had a conversation with my daughter, who is 17, recently. I listened to her perspective on my motherhood. I had to ask forgiveness. To commit to being a better mom, the mom she needs me to be.
It took a couple days to come out of my self pity, my grief over feeling like I failed her.
I had told her that she does need to understand that though I’m her mother, I am just a person.
I don’t mean to use this as an excuse, just the facts. I have parented through some very difficult circumstances and I know that I wasn’t a perfect mom, especially through my struggles and our struggles as a family.
To say out loud to her that I am just a person, a human struggling to do what’s right has to not only reach her ears but mine.
There are no instruction books on the intricacies of being a parent to my child, to my children.
Can we be kinder to ourselves? Allow God to meet us where our own insufficiencies haunt us? Forgive and ask forgiveness.
I will trust that every day I am growing and becoming a more aware, compassionate human being. Sometimes learning through my steps backwards or my indifference. It’s okay. That’s how we learn, that’s how we grow.
I hope to be an example of a mother, a human, who falls and gets back up again; who makes mistakes but isn’t afraid to walk in forgiveness and humility. I need help. We all do. If you get a chance, remind a mother (or any woman) you know that she’s strong, she’s capable, she’s enough. Tell yourself. Forgive and be forgiven.